Courage: An Unfathomable Strength

Few. Few is the sole word that can be used to describe the amount of those who grasp true courage. It is not something that can be earned, bought, taught, or bestowed upon by an individual. It is a force in waiting chained to the heart of the hero. The lock that holds the seal is broken only by keys even more mysterious than the force itself. For the knight perched upon the hill awaiting the battle that could bring his end, what keeps him from fleeing? Is it the knowledge of his comrades beside him? Is it the pressure of protecting the kingdom and its certain destruction if he fails? Or is it the favor of the lady awaiting his return tucked against his breast? The knight draws from these thoughts in the same way a common schoolboy would steel his nerves to confess to the girl of his dreams. For no one is exempt from this feeling and the circumstances that release it from the heart vary widely. Against a world of negativity, the emblem of courage will blaze in all colors and from its roaring embers rises the power to face down any obstacle.

There was a time not too far in the past when I came upon my dragon. I was a darker time for me. I suffered from a brutal form of paranoia that kept me from taking part in most fun activities. A fear of pain and of the one in one billion percent chance accidents. It was during this time that my family thought it would be a great experience for me to go cliff diving. It just so happened to be that my greatest fear at the time was of heights and falling (you know, the classics) and only a couple of weeks before a group of kids decided to go to the same cliff jumping site that we were going to for the same purpose. That doesn't sound important at all except for the fact the one of the kids broke his leg when he landed on a rock in the water, which is so unbelievably reassuring for someone like me. So the only thing I could think beforehand was that I was going to die and I should start making peace with everything in my short, tragic life.

To make matters worse, the only way to reach the cliff jumping site was to kayak across a rough, open, shark-infested bay. Great, just freaking great. This dragon I had to face just became Tiamat and the knight in my heart had begun shaking in his boots.

Well, there I was, kayaking across the water and bobbing from side to side praying that I wouldn't fall out or look over and happen to see a little grey fin poking out of the water to reveal Bruce from Finding Nemo grinning at me with his ridiculously huge teeth and Australian accent saying "'Ello 'uman. What brings ya to these waters?" (One can only imagine, right?) The paranoia induced insanities began raging through my head as my family and I paddled on towards our destination and I could only think that my future self would be calling myself a huge wimp for acting like this. (You huge wimp....) The storm of my mind raged on like a stormy ocean, if what was happening in my mind reflected what was happening with the water I would be at the bottom of the bay right now, unable to type this blog. And what I had thought was rough water on the bay was really just my paranoia exaggerating a very light series of ripples, but I couldn't tell at the time.

It was shortly after my paranoia began acting up that we actually arrived at the site. It was pretty nice in appearance. The steep and rocky climb up the side of the cliff next to where we beached our kayaks was only diminished by the platform overlooking an even steeper forty-five foot rock face with the waves crashing against it. Merely looking up at that natural stone platform made the blood drain from my face and jump started the gruesome, Guillermo del Toro's The Strain trilogy kind of horror imaginations in my head. I could see the dragon roaring and bellowing flame towards the sky in place of a mere face of rock formed by erosion. Sweat ran down my brow, was it mine or the knight's? I could no longer tell, we had become one and the same. I swallowed my paranoia for a moment and locked eyes with the dragon as I threw my shaking legs in front of myself one at a time up the path along the cliff side. My body was heavy as the water got farther away with each step, perhaps I was coated in a suit of armor? It was with this thought that I reached the stone overlook.

My friends and family were leaping off the cliff with no second thought, no hesitation whatsoever. I stood frozen, weighted down by the fear I wore, eyes peering through my visor at the dragon before me. Do I even have the strength to beat this foe? Whispered the knight in my ear, or was he in my head? I knew I had to overcome my paranoia now or else I would never be able to. Have courage, young knight. But how could someone as unstable as I overcome fear? Courage. The word echoed in my head. It will give you the strength you so desire.

Courage. My gaze fixed on my adversary, the image of which seemed to flicker between that of a dragon and a cliff, and its roar began sounding like waves again. I steeled myself, breathing deeply which gave me the same security as lifting a shield. The knight drew his sword, much like I now bore my courage as an armament. I felt light, each step easier than the last, racing towards the cliff's edge and like a shade beside me I saw the knight charging the dragon. The moment of truth, my left foot on the rim, and suddenly the ground was gone. I heard the roaring pound in my ears and the wind rushed to slow my descent. I was suspended in the air for three, four, five seconds falling faster as each second passed. Then I hit the water, a sweet relief. Swimming up, I broke the surface of the water. I looked back towards the cliff and saw the image of the dragon fade and the knight standing proudly at the cliff's edge, smiling down at me. And I laughed, it was all I felt like doing. A tiny fear became blown out of proportion and all I needed to do to subdue it was use courage.

I couldn't break the binding that restrained my courage in my heart because of fear. All I needed to end my fear was to be put into a situation where I was forced to face it. Going cliff jumping for the first time helped me to manifest that courage and face my fear. Since that day I have faced many more of my fears and I am no longer that crazy paranoid person that I used to be. The knight that I had imagined never manifested itself again. He was merely a catalyst used to create a more courageous person out of myself. Who knows, maybe he is helping some other poor soul face his or her fears as well? All I know is that in his wake, a roaring flame of courage was left, continuing to burn on in my heart and I feel that strength to face down my dragons even today.